Holiday Bliss For Daddy

The Holidays, today’s catchword for the celebrations from Thanksgiving to New Year, can evoke the most bittersweet emotions in some families. On the one hand, there is the Hallmark ideal of the warm, happy family, bathed in the glow of love and togetherness. On the other hand, the emotionally charged reality is often quite different, especially for financially stressed, single parent or blended families, juggling multiple schedules with time and financial constraints, trying to please everyone. The Holidays can be tense, stressful, expensive, and sadly, disappointing especially if you do not have a comprehensive holiday plan.. As with any important event, advance planning will ease some of the conflict and tension, clearing the way for families to remember the reason for the season as they enjoy relatively stress- free, happy, and memorable family celebrations.

Schedules become so jam-packed during the Holiday season it’s important to start planning as soon as you can. Clarify and confirm who is going to be where and when, and write down all the details so everyone knows the plans in advance, especially the children. Email is a perfect vehicle for keeping everyone in the loop. If air travel is involved, make sure tickets are booked well ahead to avoid disappointment or undue expenses. Scheduling conflicts can be resolved ahead of time rather than at the last minute when they tend to cause anger and stress. Once basic details are finalized more time can be spent discussing and planning the fun stuff such as meals, shopping, gift giving, and getting together with friends and family.

Plan to be flexible, especially with teenagers who may have work or exam conflicts that can disrupt pre- set visitation. Every parent wants to spend the “Actual Day “ with their kids, but if this is not possible be creative with alternatives and remember, these are just days and can be replaced by other days with the same level of commitment to the season. Some families have been known to host Christmas in July to avoid the “Actual Day” stress. Compromising relieves tension for children caught in the middle of extreme Holiday scheduling.

Plan gift giving so that both parents are on the same page as far as budget and gift list are concerned. See our page on the Family Holiday Bailout plan for more details. Competition between parents and grandparents about who can buy the most expensive or outlandish gifts should be discouraged. Plan an equitable division of the gift list and stick to it. Help kids plan and present home-made or inexpensive gifts to the other parent in the spirit of Holiday giving.

Start your own family traditions and rituals around the Holidays so that each celebration has special meaning distinct from the pre-divorce family. Make sure that all the kids are involved creating the new traditions and encourage simple and inexpensive activities such as making a special dessert, taking a particular walk, or singing a song, reading a story, or playing a silly board game.

For separated/divorced families if it is not your time to be with your children on the Actual Day make plans to be with family or friends so that you won’t be at loose ends. Let the kids know your plans so that they won’t worry about you while they are celebrating with the other parent. Plan to call on the Actual Day and express how excited you are about the kids enjoying themselves. Talk about how you will celebrate together the next time you see each other.

The Holidays are a special time for celebrating and reconnecting with family and everyone looks forward to good food, fun activities, and excitement. With forward planning your family's Holiday season can be a warm and loving family celebration that kids will remember and cherish always. Happy Holidays.